What kind of woman?

When I am past my child-raising years, what kind of woman do I want to be? One who stays connected. Who doesn't judge. Who doesn't allow generational gaps and glaring differences to define my borders. Who is always ready to share a laugh. Who has read the latest good book and enjoys discussing it with others. Who reaches out to mothers and young children long after mine are grown. Who remembers that God has purpose and plans for us, regardless of the season we are in. Who keeps on growing and exploring and who never stops reaching out.

The Loss of Genius

Each of us has a covert belief that somewhere within us lies a genius, waiting to be realized. This is doubly held with the addition of our children. Indeed we impress the belief upon our kids that, "You are truly special. You can do

anything

you want to do: Be anything you want to be." The other day, my daughter said she'd decided she wanted to be an ice skater. Precious. But come to think of it, we live in the subtropics, she bumps into things regularly on dry, level ground, and we don't have sizeable investments to fund such a venture. Now what? I think I smiled, and said, it'd be fun to ice skate some time as a family, and that roller-skating was great exercise too.
The question is, what do we do when our notions of genius evade us and reality smacks of anonymity, mediocrity, or just plain hard work? When the contribution we feel called upon to make ends up in the lengthy will-call list? How do we reorient ourselves to still apply what we've been given when our grandiosity has met reality, and it hardly seems worth the effort any more?
Blogging felt like my entry into the greater world of ideas and promised discovery. It doesn't take long to feel, "Why bother?" when you get an inkling of the amount of material out there. I felt rather sheepish for having joined the throng of self-publishers; eager for an audience, a following.
A friend's teen has a pursuit of the week, she absolutely pines to do. Take up guitar. Try out drums. But the father balks at purchasing the items, for he knows when it proves to be hard work and does not afford her instant celebrity status, the wonderlust will wear off, the practice hours hardly feel worth it, and the money will have been unwisely spent. A toy maker shared his frustration with kids today. They want to instantly learn and apply the tricks of the trade. They don't value the process of learning to carve, but want to know how long it will take and be speeded towards wowing their friends with what they can do.
We've lost touch with the joy within the work itself. The satisfaction of creating, for its own sake, whether or not it is a rarity or the only of its kind.
In Alcott's "Good Wives," both Amy and Laurie had to come to the realization that their inner genius of composer and music fell sadly short, and had a realignment of goals to make afterwards. They both still found pleasure and merit in their pursuits.
So, whether or not I am a born writer, I want to write. Whether or not I am the best cook out there, I want to try new recipes. If my drawing is stilted or mere copies of photos I like, I will still choose to create it. We are born to create, to apply, to labor and to love and not to be bound to perceived impact or where we rank in comparison with others.
"Each one should work heartily, as serving the Lord and not men."
We are to:
1. Work with and use the time and resources given: and to help our children discern and do the same:
2. Be released from the need for acclaim and notoriety
3. Let the process and the application of oneself and one's God-given inclinations be its own reward, even if it only seems to be for the way it transforms us.
4. Encourage others to do the same.

Thirty Five

I am now a thirty five year-old woman. I have three children, 4, 6, and 8. I parent, serve and laugh alongside my visionary husband and pastor. I teach ESL part-time. I volunteer at my kids' school. I am facilitating a small group for women called "Quieting a Noisy Soul." I am participating in a transformative women's Bible study titled "Believing God." I have a partner in Scripture memory. I am available to women to talk through issues and pray together. I help lead worship each Sunday, and teach 1st, 2nd and 3rd graders for Sunday school. I get out and meet moms for coffee each Wednesday night at Starbucks. I've rediscovered my love for great books, tennis and writing. I'm planning on kayak fishing more with my husband this year. I'm working out three times a week. I just got my braces off. I love sushi.
You know what? I am happy.
The remarkable thing about this, is that, I have had favorable life circumstances in the past, and been unable to access contentment in the midst of them. My mind was fixated upon what could or should be better, what might just happen next, how I'd better enjoy this now because it was too good to be true, and how I didn't deserve all this and had better feel guilty for having it.

The core of the Quieting the Noisy Soul study has been "My soul can rest, because God Himself is more than enough for me." It gives me the assurance, that when trials come, and they will, the bottom will hold, because of Who holds me. That assurance frees me to savor the now, while not shrinking from the future. Of course, I'll have to update this as we're tested. I'll keep you posted.

Hurray!

I received a letter stating that the Christian women's magazine, Just Between Us, plans to publish the article I submitted titled, "On the Same Team" in the Spring of 2011. My first letter of acceptance!! Bill says I should frame it. I'm very encouraged. Thank you to all who offered feedback and support in this process.

Dreams

I recieved an email a while back asking you to list the 30 things dream of doing in your life - similar I guess to the movie, the Bucket List, or to the final lecture by the inspiring college professor who died of pancreatic cancer. At first it seemed like a trite thing to do, but it made me start thinking about what my dreams really were. So here are a few of mine
I'd love to visit Austria, and picnic on the lush hilltop from the scene of The Sound of Music where Maria is writing the Doe, a Deer, song with the children. I'd like to spin around on the hilltop, like she does in the opening scene of the movie.
I'd love to have fish and chips in pubs and sip in tea houses in out of the way places in Scotland, Wales and Ireland, and take a holiday to write from a mossy cottage near the sea.
I'd love to get a master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, once the kids are on there way into the world, and I'm more seasoned in life's challenges.
I'd love to:
Read every classic worth reading.
Watch every Masterpiece Theatre work worth watching.
Get training in hospice, and be present with families experiencing the sacred seg-way from the temporal to the eternal.
Lead a women's retreat using the material "Quieting a Noisy Soul" Combine silence, sharing, rest and study.
Become a skilled kayak fisherwoman.
Play tennis in a women's league
More to come as I think of them....


Try this exercise yourself. At first you struggle to think of one, and then the ideas start linking elbows and coming in reams.