Ingredients of Love

I was struck by this section of my morning reading from the book, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, by Peter Scazzero. Here he quotes Anthony De Mello in The Way to Love: The Last Meditations of Anthony De Mello.

“Love springs from awareness. It is only inasmuch as you see someone as he or she really is here and now and not as they are in your memory or your desire or in your imagination or projection that you can truly love them; otherwise it is not the person you love but the idea that you have formed of this person.”
“Therefore the first act of love is to see this person or this object, this reality as it truly is. And this involves the enormous discipline of dropping your desires, your prejudices, your memories, your projections, your selective way of looking.. So the first ingredient to love is to really see the other.”
I’ve always thought of it as a desireable characteristic to see only the best in others. I sought to think and believe the best of everyone – then I’d be jarred by the inevitable discovery of flaws, which would seem to mar everything. Rather than loving the potential in someone, I’d rather learn to truly love the someone, whether or not they have, will or never will reach it. It is when I feel fully loved for who and where I am that I feel free to become more.

De Mello goes on to say, “The second ingredient is equally important to see yourself, to ruthlessly flash the light of awareness on your motives, emotions, your needs, your dishonesty, your self-seeking, and your tendency to control and manipulate.”
This convicts me about how easy it is to turn those closest to me into projects, and to get so caught up in my desires for, needs or plans to change my children or my husband that I miss accepting and appreciating them for what and where they are.

The gift of both seeing and loving comes directly from God. God is not deluded when He looks at us. He sees all that we are and all that we are not, and He loves us completely. I think of the rich young ruler who turned away from what he considered to be too great a sacrifice. One of my favorite quotes from the Bible, is “Jesus looked at him and loved him.” He did so, knowing what he was, and what he would choose.
God, help me to see, and to love, people as you do, including myself.