Our neighbor’s son spent all of 15 minutes gluing construction paper spider legs and adding a goofy face with Nanna’s help to his original pumpkin for the Cub Scouts contest in town. By the end of awards night, he had received a certificate of participation, an award and a certificate for getting 3rd place in one group, and a certificate and an ornate medal on a ribbon for getting best pumpkin overall, and two homemade trophies. He was convinced his medal was solid gold, and brought in to school the next day. His mother was exceedingly proud and happy for him (and relieved, as she’d had to sit through 2 cub awards ceremonies with her sullen son when he didn’t receive anything). His father admitted to being befuddled that this much fuss had been made over his 6 year old son’s pumpkin. Granted, he was proud of him, but wondered what he’d be expecting for future accomplishments.
With trophies given at every turn, for participation in any and all sports, and with kids starting their “careers” earlier and earlier, a child can have a trophy shelf by the age of 15 which would rival an Olympians – and be a middle of the pack performer.
In our enthusiasm to build our children’s self-esteem, I wonder if we are setting them up for disappointment in their own abilities and in the amount of applause they will actually receive in real life. Then there is the disillusionment when they realize that not everyone agrees that they are phenomenal in every aspect of life, as they’d come to believe. And I also wonder if they are missing out on recognizing that doing well at something and applying oneself can be its own reward.
My daughter was convinced yesterday that the world would end, as she realized she hadn’t been selected as the Student of the Month, for the second month in a row!! Never mind that there are another 17 kids in the class, and that she received the award twice last year. She lamented over all that she had been doing extra to get the nomination, and that now it was a wash.
I think the recent emphasis on self-esteem and celebrating our children’s accomplishments has been generally positive, but I am seeing ways in which it can backfire. Best case scenario would be an inflated sense of self and worse-case would be a generation of narcissists, who decide what’s in it for them before applying themselves, and only feel it’s worth it once duly rewarded.
2 comments:
I'm with you Julia. When the awards thing is watered down so that everybody wins, it lacks sincerity, doesn't it? I suspect it doesn't take long for kids to catch on that they're being patronized. Besides, everything doesn't have to be a contest. There's some mistaken notion that kids have to engage in competition because that's what the world they are inheriting is about. Wuss that I am, I'd like to see things set up more imaginatively so that success comes from cooperation and appreciation.
This is too true...In Bible study this morning we were talking about kids' growing sense of entitlement, the fact that they think they deserve what they want just because they are so special. And they ARE special, but sometimes we emphasize that so much that nothing is really truly special anymore...
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