Our daughter Debra Lynn turned 7 today. We had 6 little girls over around lunch time. The girls took turns making their own pizzas and assembling some of those Lowe's build-it kits with the help of Super Dad. We had a round of squirt gun fights in the back yard and cake and presents. I collapsed on the couch towards the end, but was very pleased with how things went.
I keep intending to scale down what we do for birthdays, because the expectations of the children can become unmanageable. They already understand, fortunately, that we do not offer the party extravaganzas they have experienced with a few of their friends: hiring a magician to perform, offering pony rides in the front yard, renting the Party Pad, Chuck E. Cheese (or some other parent-tormenting station). But they have come to expect a home party with lots of friends and presents.
When Debra was being a bit demanding and particular this morning, Bill mentioned under his breath, "You might remind her that she is having a birthday, not a coronation." That made me giggle.
How do you celebrate birthdays? Do you experience the tension of celebrating your loved one without going overboard?
4 comments:
I love that - a birthday, not a coronation! Well, not having children, I don't have the problem of expectations based on what all the other kids' parents are offering.
I once read about an Native Australian clan who thought it quite odd to celebrate birthdays. They couldn't imagine this as a reason to celebrate. What they enjoyed celebrating was growth or accomplishment. Whenever a clan member felt that he or she accomplished significant growth in some area, that person would then call for a celebration of the accomplishment.
When we think of accomplishment in U.S. American society, we tend to think of economic progress, social success, measurable goal attainment, society-sanctioned achievements. But this Native Australian clan was focused more on skill building and character growth when they thought of accomplishment. You might celebrate having reached a new level of musicianship or hunting skill or a newly-developed ability to avoid complaining and to express gratitude instead.
Maybe I'll start doing that. No more birthdays. Accomplishments!
Love that idea! Accomplishments and realized goals are worth celebrating.
Oh I hear you, Julia!! I'm not into birthday extravaganzas either! I've become a big fan of the park party. I think all kids really want is cake, friends, and some simple gifts.
My goals with birthday parties are:
1) for the bday girl to feel celebrated/special
2) for all the kids to have fun
A few organized games at a park with cupcakes at the end accomplish those goals just fine. =)
One idea I've heard that I love is for the family (while having the birthday dinner that night) to go around the table and share one thing they love about that person. And maybe one hope they have for that person for the coming year. Just thought it was a fun idea to focus the thoughts at one point in the day.
LOVE the coronation comment!!!! =)
The fatal flaw of birthdays (or mother's day or valentines day) is that we crave being the center of attention and are very unhappy if we don't get our expectations met.(Which grows expodentially each year as you mentioned.) Maybe it's a mistake to focus so much on our kids that they become miserable if they don't feel special. After all, should our goal be to help them learn selfless giving as the greater source of meaning and joy? How about a birthday where the child makes a point to give others special gifts, just for the fun of it??
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