On the Same Team

It was Wednesday, our community mom's night out at Starbucks. April was new in town and I was looking forward to having another pastor's wife in our group. Before the other gals arrived, April and I caught up on the adventures of the holidays. As the conversation unfolded, I found myself keeping an internal tally: They had had 80 people at their first Open House. (We had 35). People had not complimented our parsonage décor, but they had hers. I recalled that their parsonage is a four bedroom in the country club, while ours is a three bedroom on a busy street. My eyes took in her striking figure and wardrobe, the sleek hair.

Envy stuck its foot in the crack of my mind's door. There were 5 new babies being born in their church; things seemed quiet in ours. The Cheerio-themed party for her one year old, complete with games, a Cheerio cake and prizes, made my “playdate with cake” version of birthday parties seem lame. By the time we parted, I felt dull, dissatisfied with my wardrobe, ability to host parties, church size, you name it. Instead of wanting to get to know April better, I felt like avoiding her. I knew I had lost perspective.

The natural tendencies toward competitiveness and comparison with other women, especially those in ministry, must be combated. We desperately need eachother's understanding and support, but envy or feelings of inadequacy can prompt us to hold one another at arm's length. Yet, we are on the same team, seeking to advance the gospel. There is not just one prize at the end for the brightest and best... no, winner-takes-all, “Ms. Ministry” title.

God convicted me to not allow my own feelings of inadequacy to drive a wedge in our growing friendship. I confessed my sin of covetousness and envy, and asked Him for help in overcoming my own insecurities.

“I have a confession to make,” I shared with April, some time later. “I've put you on a pedestal and been comparing myself to you, coveting what I feel you have and I don't. Forgive me, I don't want to do that any longer.”

She listened intently, then expressed concern over whether she had shared too much, or contributed to my impressions. I assured her that she had not, that these are issues which emerge within me from time to time, but that I didn't want to allow them to put distance between the two of us. Then I found out I was not alone in this. “That's wild, because I find myself doing the same thing with you,” she confided. She went on to point out a gift she saw in me of connecting with a variety of women and drawing them into conversation and community. She added, “ We are both measuring ourselves against the yard stick of the other person, without realizing it.”

April's words as we prayed together that morning were a consolation to me, “God, help us to realize You are already using each of us, just where we are, just as You made us.”

Over time April and I have discovered we have much in common. We pray for our children in their first year in public school, and for one another in our various ministry undertakings and relationships. In spite of our busy circles and involvements, we are lifted when our paths intersect. I'm so glad God enabled me to not allow my feelings of inadequacy to sabotage this mutually edifying relationship.