Comparisons

Making comparisons is a common habit among women. At times comparisons are useful, in that viewing excellence in another may inspire us to achieve or to set a goal for our own growth. Having the attitude of a learner is always a benefit. Comparisons become counterproductive, however, when they strain a relationship, enforce feelings of inferiority/ or superiority, or leave one feeling demoralized or unwilling to try (I'll never be able to ____ as well as she can, so why bother).

Here are some insights I found helpful on the topic of overcoming comparisons and a competitive attitude in relationships, from the book titled, Love the Work You're With, by Richard C. Whiteley (Whiteley 145).

"The first step in coping with the negative effects of limiting comparisons
is to be aware when you are making them.

1. Identify the person you compare yourself to and you believe is superior
to you. This could even be a person you feel competitive with.

2. What experience, knowledge, training, skills, contacts or other resource
did this person possess that you havenot developed or tried?

3. To what extent does it bother you that this person seems to be better
than you?

4. If it bothers you that this person seems to be better than you, you are
most likely wasting your energy by either not valuing
yourself, not valuing the true merits of the other person, or just wishing things were different. Whether you are bothered or not,
continue to the next question.

5. Which of the resources you listed in question 2 do you believe are
unexploited strengths of yours or can be developed?

6. What can you do to develop these resources?


By taking a developmental attitude rather than a competitive attitude, you
will be able to avoid the misery comparisons can cause and channel your energy
into productive pursuits."