Survivor Guilt

During Hurricane Katrina, certain neighborhoods in New Orleans were struck in a way which left several houses on a street leveled, and some unscathed. Those home owners whose homes survived the devastation have experienced what could be called, "survivor guilt" as they view the demise around them and wonder how it was that they were spared.

Having been raised in a nurturing, God-fearing home, and having, up til now, watched my dreams for college, travel, marriage, children and ministry assemble into an unfolding reality, I sometimes experience this survivor guilt. Especially as others share their painful stories with me. I am almost ashamed for what I have been spared. It's as if I feel I can alleviate some of their pain over having been violated, abandoned, suffering from illness ect., if I'd but step up and "take my own dose" of the nasty tasting medicine of tragedy. I sometimes feel unseasoned by life, with little to offer those in the thick of things, or at least fear that that is how I'm viewed by others: marginalized and unable to relate.

Someday, I'm sure I'll look back and wonder why I was in a hurry to sign up for trials, having seen that there would be plenty on the way.

Help me to trust You, God, as You craft all of our stories. I will trust you to give those that I love exactly what they need to navigate their pain. And I will trust You as well, to use me as You see fit, whether or not I think I can "relate." You write my story, Lord. Forgive me for trying to be the editor-in-chief. You have in store the perfect ending.